When Everyone Else is Everywhere Else

If you’ve been alive for a decade or two, there is a large possibility that you’ve been hurt, felt abandoned, left out, or lonely.  As much as we plan and dream for a perfect life the way we’ve mapped it out, it just doesn’t turn out the way we expected much of the time.  There will be days, months, and years that you wondered what in the world just happened.  During the holiday season, for many, the time of reflection is lonely and painful instead of jubilant and joyful.  You can find yourself looking around at all the happy people feeling dejected and bitter, wondering why this is happening to you. 

I know because I’ve been there.  During one Christmas I had just lost my job.  During one Christmas I had just found out I had cancer.  While there are much worse things to endure than either of these hardships, I felt immense loss during both of these journeys.  So, I wanted to reach out to those of you who are in valleys right now, wondering if you’ll see the sunshine again.  Wondering if you’ll be happy again.  Wondering if you’ll have strength and health again.  And wondering if you’ll make it through. 

I have several friends who are going through major life challenges right now – divorce, major illness, life-threatening situations.  So, my heart particularly aches for them when they’re alone.  I am reminded of a time I felt so alone a few nights before my double mastectomy two years ago.

Lying in bed at 3:00 am, I couldn’t sleep.  Worries about the surgery, the cancer, my self-image, my kids, my future, taunted me and wouldn’t let me get the sleep I so desperately needed.  I cried, feeling so alone and scared.  I knew I could call any family member or friend and get the reassurance I needed.  They had all been by my side when they could.  

But there were times no one could be with me.  During the hour long painful biopsy, I was alone.  During the long MRI in a dark tube, I was alone.  During surgeries, I would be alone.  After the surgery, with my new body, I would be alone.  It all overcame me at once.  I am alone.  Beth Moore, in her Bible study, Entrusted, said it well, “We don’t have to be deserted to feel all alone.  All it takes is being in a place no one else can fully enter.”  Yeah, that’s where I was.  All alone.

But God.

In 2 Timothy 4:17, Paul was imprisoned for the last time for preaching the gospel.  He knew he was near his end and everyone had deserted him.  He wrote, “But the Lord stood with me, and strengthened me.”

God strengthened me that night by reminding me of when Jesus was alone in the garden of Gethsemane right before he died.  In Mark 14:33, Jesus was very distressed and troubled about what was to come.  He asked His disciples to wait while he prayed.  He asked God to save Him from death, but that if it was in God’s will, He wanted His will to be done.  But, when He checked back with his friends, they were sleeping. 

He was alone!  Jesus was alone and worried.  Just like you and me.  He knew what he was about to endure, but because He loved us so much, He went ahead with it so we could be saved.  So, we could know that when everyone else was everywhere else, He was there. 

During one of my low points I heard a sermon by Max Lucado that I’ve returned to often over the years, titled, “You’ll Get Through This.”  The quote I hung onto was this.  “You’ll get through this.  It won’t be painless.  It won’t be quick.  But God will use this mess for good.  Don’t be foolish or naïve.  But don’t despair either.  With God’s help, you’ll get through this.”

Friend, I feel your pain right now in my heart like it was my own.  Please know I am praying for you wherever you are.  But even more, please know that God is with you when no one else can be.  So, during this time of joy and bright lights, reach out to the one who will never leave you and find peace in your storm.  He is there.

Get More Done With Less Stress

Sometimes the daily to do list turns into a ball and chain that you drag around with no hope of ever putting it down.  Between the household chore list, the never ending things to get done at work, and personal errands, it seems that we're all running at a break neck speed to get it all in.  Hence the plethora of productivity podcasts, blogs, and programs.  Now, I am all about the latest productivity hacks.  I love to hear the latest and greatest techniques for anything that makes me more productive.  I like to do All.  The. Things.  No really.  I have every book, journal, and guide to help me achieve more in my day.  So I will be the last person to give up all of that.  It helps, it really does.  But I have found that even more important than the how to get more done attitude, is the how to reduce stress on the body so you can be more productive with the hours you have. 

As a recovering perfectionist who tried to take on anything and everything piled on me by myself and others, I have discovered that my number one defense is a better offense.  What do I mean by this?  I have a new saying in my life.  I like to tell myself, "Protect the asset."  The asset is me.  And in your life the asset is you.  I am reminded by the flight attendant's instsructions that in the event of an emergency, please put on your own oxygen mask before assisting those around you.  It is important to be able to breathe if you're going to save someone else's life.  When we run from project to project with no reserves, we will stress out, max out, and burn out.  Here are my most valuable tips to getting more done with less stress.

1)  Set a bedtime routine.  I used to be a night owl.  I could stay up half the night getting things done.  But then the next day, I couldn't get up and get going.  The first part of my day was always stressed and rushed as I got the kids ready, got ready for the day and rushed off to conquer that to do list.  Instead of arriving at work ready to serve my clients and my team, I was often snippy and stressed. After studying the habits of dozens of high performing individuals, I have changed my bedtime routine in order to get a jump start on my day.  By going to bed earlier, I can wake up earlier, avoiding the stress that used to come with my morning rush.

2)  Set a morning routine.  Once you've conquered the habit of going to bed earlier, a morning routine is much easier.  The main thing to focus on is yourself in the first hour(s) of your day.  Resist the urge to check emails or turn on the TV.  Your email is just one big list of things to do that other people have compiled for you. You'll have plenty of time to get to that later, but that should not be your first priority.  I resisted this tip for years, thinking that everyone must hear back from me the minute I awaken.  However, all it did was set me up for an overwhelmed morning, which led to a stressful day where I always felt two steps behind.  I also stopped listening to the news first thing in the morning.  Most of it was depressing and stressful as well, and not what your brain needs to hear to plan an energy-filled, productive day.  

Instead fill your first hour of your morning with activities that will feed and nurture your mind and soul.  Start with a positive reading from a devotional or a personal development book.  A quick entry in your journal or meditation can also help clear out anything you're worrying about so you don't bring that negative emotion into your day.  Most importantly, be sure to move in the first hour of the day.  You can do your work out for the day, or if time is limited, just fit in a 10 minute Yoga video or 20 minute brisk walk.  Activity fires up the brain and will help fuel you throughout the day.

3)  Plan your day.  High performers plan everything-their workouts, their work day, their deep work time, their goals.  Have you ever gone to bed wondering if you got anything done that day?  That happens more often than not when we haven't made a plan for the day.  Plan when you will answer those emails,  take appointments, make dinner, work out, work on your momentum tasks that will move you toward your goals.  Chances are if you don't plan your day, you will do nothing but respond to the demands and requests of everyone around you.  Block out the time you need to get your main projects done so you can look back over the day with checkmarks next to everything you've accomplished. 

These three things are simple but they're not always easy.  It takes practice and dedication to implement new strategies in an already busy life.  They may seem like common sense, but they're not always common practice.  I know from personal experience that these simple changes will help you deal with the constant demands and stresses that you'll face every day.  So face them with a rested mind, an energized body, and a clutter free mind to take your productivity to the next level with much less stress. 

Which one of these has been the most difficult for you to implement?  Consider talking to an accountability partner and changing one of these this week and see how it changes your day and outcomes.